Wednesday, May 24, 2017

How I went from 59kg to 43 ( 35 lbs) in 7 months ( Part 1- Maybe- Teehee 😂 )

I now weigh 37/38kg ( 81-84 lbs), my height is 5' ( 154cm), according to smartBMi calculator, I'm certainly categorized as underweight a little bit. I know for now it might be a little freaky, but hey, let me explain my 37-38 kg. It’s pretty different than how I was years ago.

I came to America with a chubby body as I honestly didn’t care about it. The key was: I was happy and healthy at the time. That does matter the most. I still remembered in my first year living here, I ate like there was no tomorrow. I devoured myself to all the good foods that Seattle generously offered me. No regrets. Good times. Venti Frappuccinos every day, especially during summer, happy hours, whoop, that was the gift from heaven sent down for my sweet tooths.  At night, I gobbled down a cup of milk tea. All of the sugar drinks and the food I consumed without working out, I got to the point of being a sumo in my life. I, at the time, didn't give a shit about my weight neither, and yes, I used a shit ton of photoshop in my photos back then. 😅

Things turned around when I started entering university and dating my someone. College is a joke for me, being in college, I was a lazy ass, the subject I learned wasn't even something interesting to make me actually study. I rushed up to my graduation, taking 4-5 classes hopefully I freed myself. But I never knew that college time was actually the happy time for me in the US. In university, the heavy burden cost of taking classes again and the pressure and subject classes actually stressed me out, plus my relationship at the time got objected from our 2 families, I was dying in my stress and just some night, I cried to sleep. I don't know how I did it, I just knew I was losing weight uncontrollably, it was severe. From Nov to May/2014, I went from 59kg to 43kg. There were days I only drank coffee ( with milk, Vietnamese coffee for more detail :)) ), and I still wonder How the f* I could survive at the time without fainting =)))))))))). Without eating and walking, commuting every single day, more weights came out and nothing gained back.  I indeed somehow felt really healthy at the time, my face skin remained perfectly glowing rosy cheeks. When I started losing weights and people started compliments, it was a happy time at first.  I saw nothing wrong with my body, little did I know, my body just delayed the aftereffect. Not too long after that, I slowly began to feel dizzy all the time, I couldn’t even lift a bottle pack of water out of shopping cart, which I used to carry 2 packs up to the floor to my apt easily.  When I realize there is something wrong with my body, it was already late. Overtime, My body was getting weak and weaker, my heart kept racing, I got fatigue every time I ate, climbing stairs was a challenge of a hiker climbing to the upper of a mountain. I was suffering.  I never realized eating could be this painful. Deep in my mind I knew still love eating, but the thing was my stomach doesn’t like eating anymore, let’s say my stomach is 5 part, but If I eat more than 1 part, it started hurting, bloating so bad, gassy all the time,  when It passed my endurance, I threw up, or I might say my stomach actually push my food up then the aftermath was me suffering constipation all the time 😂. Toilet was truly my bedroom at the time.  This led to me losing my appetite and stopped eating, made it even worse for my health and stomach. Almost all my friends knew I would throw up if my stomach got to " its full", which was a tiny amount of food.  I felt miserable.   Pretty much Like everyone else, I turned to WebMD as a self-check up, and all my matched IBS disorder, but even I knew my symptoms, no actions were taken. 

It got so bad that immediately when I back to VN on vacation. I had to go to a hospital in Viet Nam, and as usual Vietnamese style, they diagnosed me with some kind of stomach cancer, prescribed me a bunch of medicines. My mom, luckily, a very smart person, told them I would die of kidney failure because of these pills before I get to my cancer LOL. Anyway, long story short turned out if you ever go to the hospital in Viet Nam for the stomach problem, " 100%, they would diagnose you with this shit" - come from a mouth of a famous doctor in Viet Nam, who is an acquaintance to my mom. I have an approve that one of my friend, who is perfectly healthy inside out, went back to VN to do a full checkup, Lo and behold, they diagnosed her with this shit again :)).  Also, doesn't mean there aren't any virus in your stomach, because Viet Namese food is very dirty ( I'm so sorry my beloved VN, I love you so and the food as much as I love my cat ( oh wait, not my cat, as much as my coffee in the morning :)),  but man, why you have to be that dirty), so most likely 99% Vietnamese has a high chance of getting stomach cancer anyway. Do Approach Chinese herbs, or Vietnamese herbs medicine if you are Vietnamese and want to detox and cleanse your body. 

Before that, when I traveled to Japan, eating was fucking hard to me, eating became heaven and hell to me. Because I needed to eat to get the energy and with the thirst of exploring food, I forced myself to eat. But the more I forced myself, the more fatigue and stomach aches I had to live through. I told myself this was enough. I gotta do something: I need to eat, I f*ing need to eat and got myself over this sh*t. Here is a fun part. My body was too weak to handle. I learned eating like a baby again, With the help from my parents and my SO. AlThough I hadn’t started my healthy diet yet, the symptoms got better for while until  I started working on my next job, it was a stressful job, and as usual, I put myself into the unhealthy way of living again, I rarely ate anything just because I was lazy LOL.  I didn't bother eating during breaks at work, and then when I went on the road trip, I stuffed myself as much as I could, and this time, I believe my stomach has had enough and decided it's time to detox or whatever. It rejected a certain type of food like steak, pork... the smell of them already scared me away. The final straw for me to begin my endeavor of living better way was my skin, which reacts badly to what I eat now. FYI, I used to have a perfect skin, no pimples, no pores, no whomever, unless some big cyst appears during your period, that's all, despite the time I didn't eat or eating shit, It still remained as good as It had always been. It started changing through 12/2015 to 4/2016 and during the end of May/2016 and 10-12/2016. It was rash all over my face, it was like a combination of eczema and probably candida- a type of yeast infection due to imbalance hormone, or because I was working in clothing surrounding environment, and boy, the chemical from new fabric/clothes wasn't a good thing at work for me. My face was like a lobster. It wasn't pimples, but It wasn't fun either. But this matter will be discussed in my future post. I started my healthy diet during June and August, and boy, my skin was at the peak of my life, it was beautiful and glowy. 

Thinking my skin was normal and perfect again, I rebounded back from Sep to Dec/2016. But this time, it was A lot of fried chickens, every week.  needless to say, my health didn't go down that much, but my skin indeed again, with the winter weather on top of that,  down the drain it goes. 

Again, I told myself if I didn't do it properly, keeping up with my life, then I would struggle with energy and my health, even worse, affecting my daily habits and my lifestyle. Do I want to live like that? Hell no.  In the last 6 months, I actually woke up very early, drank my lemon juice every single day, and did my workout/ energy building yoga,  before doing anything else, controlled my diet in the best healthy way as I could.  I successfully maintained my routine till now ( cross my finger never ever give up in the future).  My weight now is a result of me working out.  Not even a single day went by I skipped these things and It makes me happier than ever. I also approached a more holistic and nutrition diet, I learned more about food, vitamins, minerals because I believe these would have long term effect in the future rather than approaching western medicine.

Taken this morning. (23/May)
    For more fully clothes =)), you can scroll all my posts way back to Feb- March /2014, when I stopped using photoshop. 😆

For people who diet, I went through that, carrying my chubby body. I got mocked and sometimes bullied because of my appearance. I had so much time going through trying to diet, It always failed. The best I made it through was 2 weeks diet, yes, 2 weeks diet, in high school, on low carb, until I said screwed it I eat whatever I liked, it was very hard. I even attempted to buy diet pills because my philosophy was I had no time for exercise :)).  To be honest, very honestly, when People asked how did I manage to lose so many weights during the 7 months, I told them what I did: stress and stop eating. If you want to diet without exercise and not being healthy, eat less than the calories your body require to consume,  starve. Or on low carb, or, relying on diet supplement. Low carb, though, Would put you on high cholesterol.  But lets me tell you one thing, that diet would kill you slowly, not in the near future, but when you get old, it would be too late to regret,  just as how my body has been through it. Before doing any crazy diet or getting yourself into a stressful mood and stop eating, asked your body if it is already prepared for it. I won't stop you because it's your life, it's your choice and maybe, the outcome will turn out better for you than me. Ironically,  my secondary and high school were filled with me trying to lose weight and never a single weight disappeared and here, I never intended to diet during that time and the amount weight I loss was incredible,  as well as the consequences I had to pay was also incredible 😂.  It took me a while for my stomach to get back on normal, even now, It wasn't that the best like me in 4 years ago but trust me, I once was way worse than before, and now I'm so proud to say  I'm happy mentally, and physically, and for the first time ever, I actually felt like I was myself again. Thanks for all the things I have gone through because It actually pushed me to learn the way I was living and had to learn taking care of myself.  Every day, I educate myself more and more about how to be as healthy as I can and keeping my routine regularly because I know, I'm the only captain of my body.  I never shared this story with anyone even my friends, they just knew I had some sort of stomach problem except my family and my S/o, who witnessed what I have been struggling with and I'm thankful that they are always there for me and help me stand stronger in the fights with myself. Because, at the end, You're your biggest enemy! 


Wednesday, May 17, 2017

Bye winter (2)

Coat: Zara A- line duffle coat
Bag: f21
Shoes: Daisy boots vagabond

Coat: Asos
Shoes: Nastygal

Jean: thrift store - Value village
Shoes: NB
Coat: Zara
Knit: Uniqlo

Pants: Uniqlo
Sweatshirt: F21 - Link

Cardigan: H&M

Skirt: F21
Top: H&M man

Wednesday, May 10, 2017

Bye winter (1)

H&M all the way

Sweater: F21
Shoes: Boohoo

Coat: F21 I believe.

Hand in the pocket, my signature pose.

Sweater: Uniqlo
Culottes: Zara
Shoes: Vagabond daisy boots

Monday, May 8, 2017

Coat :Forever 21 
Jean: Thrift
Shoes: Vagabond Daisy boots

Saturday, May 6, 2017

Yellow stone park ( Last part of the East to West Coast road trip)

I should have done this sooner.

Yellow stone greeted us with every weather element on the earth: First, it's a snow blizzard, next with pouring rain all over the sky followed by the steaminess from the ground, then heavy hail, suddenly the sun came up out of nowhere shining brightly. In a short notice, it changed back to being windy, thunder storming, smoking, fogginess,  then somehow raining again, but at the end luckily, the rest of our time in Yellow stone was welcomed by the sun.
The best part is how we got there
we didn't want to pay the toll fees. So we chose the long way, and yet, it was an amazing adventure.
Have you ever seen two cows " having some sexy time",  You might see it already but certainly, it was my "first time" (wink wink). Unless they have animal porn or documentaries... (wink wink) 
Have you seen people riding horses, carriages, on the street like their normal daily lives?  I bet you haven't
Have you seen 2 little farm boys standing by, posing as 2 soldiers saluting outside of their farm house to say hi to all the cars driving by?
 Have you seen American ghost movies and then wonder if American towns would be looking like that? For ex: supernatural movie. The answer is yes. I drove by some towns that we even asked ourselves if somebody would get out and shoot us. 
I bet you never saw the scene of heavy lightning strikes seemingly so close in the middle of the empty lands, making your heart pound, knowing that the only safe shelter available is your car.  Have you ever seen it raining so hard on your left and sunny like summer on your right in the middle of nowhere?  And not so far away in front of you, mountains covered in the heavy snow showing up clearly. Sometimes the thunderstorms would randomly start and then suddenly stop, just like that, the sky kept teasing us throughout all of our trip. It was a thrilling feeling, I admit I was scared, I was scared of how big the earth is, and how small I am, like a piece of sand in a dessert, a fish in the ocean, a star in the galaxy. All I could see were open fields, mountains, clouds, sky, and far away land. No people, just our car, rolling on the road. I need to quote some lyrics right here, like " roaming on the road, only me with my car, oh dear a lonely traveler". But too bad,  I don't remember any single words from any song. Good thing I still have my sense that this moment was majestic, yet too scary at the same time. A sense of awe flowed through me. All I could see were endless meadows that seem never ending. I told myself if this is only half of America, I wondered what the rest of the world would be like. My inner travel child aches so badly when thinking about it, the craving of wanting to see all of the world. But I know, this is my destiny, when the time comes it comes. Who knows when is the second time I will have myself a trip like this, life for sure will drag us back to its constant hustling pace. This trip will most likely sink into oblivion. For the time being, I did what I did the best, curling myself in our cramped car and delighted me in the sceneries in this present time.
We ended our trip to Yellow stone with heavy rain on a nearby mountain late at night, again, this time it was raining so hard, I couldn't see anything in front, a blurred background, that seems like it had been waiting to jump at you, this was another level of me being scared. I realized how much I feared death. I always prepared myself mentally towards death. I could die at any moment and death is beautiful, but if I'm being honest, I still am scared of death, no, more like I'm scared of how I would die. I have a lot of anxieties, not too bad though.I'm sure it will get better someday. Funny story, when my man started walking to a gas station to pay for gas, he decided to go to the restroom a little bit, AT like 11 pm in the middle of somewhere in Montana, mind you, at the time I was already an entry level beginner Redditor, and let me tell you, I read a ton of Reddit's stories of how scary a rural areas like this is and so I was scared shitless when he didn't come back in what seem like thousands of years have passed by. Turns out this man had some chit chat with a clerk inside, while I was outside having a good imagining time of how I was gonna die or save this man or survive myself hahaha. good time!
Not long after that, we were the only ones on the road again, this time it was purely dark, no cars around, just us, driving, when I saw some lights driving by, I felt like they were my companions, my friends, and how nice it is to be driving together on the road in the dark.
We decided this is the rare occasion that we could have. So we decided to pull off on the side of a road in the middle of nowhere, nobody around, it was pitch dark, and when I looked up, my tears came out, stars, Oh how long since I haven't seen this many stars! They were all shining through the clear sky, asking me where have I gone all those years?
oh, Da Nang,  when I was in grade 1, my hometown was still a poor city, so there wasn't that much light, my hobby every night was walking up to our family's balcony floor and looking at stars, immersing myself into the stars of heaven, with my grandpa next to me. My grandpa lived in the North of Viet Nam. Every summer he visited our family, he would use our small camp folding bed,  he would lay there, trilling his poems and watching the stars with me. Yes, I used to be an elementary kid who loves writing poems.  He has now passed last year, and I wasn't there at his ceremony. When I started growing, we started growing distant. He was my only grandpa that was still alive, or at least, the one that I can be able to recall the face and memories with. To be honest, I never got along well or had a really close family time together with him as I was growing up. You know the thing people say, the intense conflict between younger and older generations gets bigger when the younger gets older, that's how we are. I no longer love making poems, he, however, gasped his last breath with poem lyrics.  he lived in the North of Viet Nam, I lived in the central. But family is family, no matter how much you don't like them, you can't avoid them, there is blood connected through us, love still wins the game. As cold as I sound, I never miss him, I know he is in a way better place then the earth, or maybe, he is working his way back to this life but whatever it is, that moment, his image in my scattered childhood memories flashes back. 

This time, I saw a galaxy filled with an infinity of stars sparkling above my head, then I saw shooting stars passing by, in a second,  another glamorous shooting star streaked through the blackness, followed by its siblings fleeting all over the sky. At this point, you must be thinking "Oh I might try to make this blog sound more like literature, so I made up the shooting stars rain." I guess you are right then... hahaha (jk), but I was speechless still. It isn't rare to see, honestly if you are living in a town with no light with a night like this. But I took it as a sign that this trip ended in the most perfect way it could.
I was sad on the way back home, leaving my travels behind, almost 2 weeks constantly on the road made me realize how I love being on the road, not knowing what's gonna happen the next day, no itinerary, just go, heading home. But again, isn't it home already?

For the Yellow stone part, you just have to go there and get amazed like how I was. No words could describe how mother nature has generously endowed the beautiful gift for us. Every place we went through, every scene we saw was majestic art pieces from our mother nature. It was heartbreakingly beautiful.  We hiked under the rain, embracing the sunburn on the endless valleys, sipping my premade tea earlier that morning from our motel, breathing all the steam from the geysers and clean fresh air from the valleys, letting the wind blow through my hair, it was a momentous moment for me. The scenery, the animals, the meadows, the mountains, the clouds, the rocks. What on earth Have we done to deserve this? and what on Earth have we been doing to reject what life has been gifting to us? 
My tip:
1. Skip Old faithful geyser,  leave it as your last minute destination because that's not something worth your time, unless you show up right on time when it's about to blow. HOWEVER, the morning glory pool is located pretty close to the Old faithful, to witness this beauty you have to walk about 20-30' and it's way more worth it than the Old faithful ( you will see a lot of small geysers on the  walk too) , but again, waiting for the Old Faithful to explode is pretty much wasting your time because its eruption is like a girl on her period, sometimes it erupts right on time, sometimes way earlier. In my case, it was like waiting for my bus that gets stuck in traffic somewhere and never arriving. Unless you have plenty of time to kill there then by all means go ahead and wait! Otherwise, go see the morning glory pool first, walk around, seeing all the small geysers ( which the duration time to erupt is way shorter than the Old faithful), and be back later. Trust me, the eruption isn't too surprising to see, though I highly recommend listening to the story of park rangers of how the biggest geyser ( not old faithful) erupted, and the science of the formation of geysers, very interesting. 

2. You most likely can finish the park in a day despite its size ( if you only have 1 day), all the top sights are located in a circle, they will give a map when you enter, or you can print it online here and plan ahead depending on where you enter. Even though you won't have a much more amazing time than camping there for a night. 

3. No. don't jump into the pool. I know it's tempting us ( aka ME) with the clear color but please no, there are some people that actually did that,  UNLESS you want to boil all your skin, change your look to a new self, hopefully, rejuvenate to a different person, then go ahead. 

4. Buffalos aren't rare, neither are Bears. Don't disturb them! 

5. We didn't even have a plan to visit the Grand Canyon/ Artist's point, nor read about it, we basically just turned left ( or right), and be like, oh hey this place looks interesting, let's go! A plan doesn't mean following it religiously, go wherever it takes you to go.

Some highlights of the trip ( not in a particular order)
  • Artists Point/Grand canyon of Yellow stone
  • Morning Glory pool ( Upper Geyser Basin) / Sapphire pool ( Biscuit Basin). Basically, all the basins are worth it to check out ( midway geyser, west thumb...). Fact: the interesting color from these pools are due to the bacteria in the water. Another fun fact: Once in a while, Yellow Stone park has to suck up all the objects and trashes from the pool by a special method ( mostly coins, you will prolly see some. Very sad, I couldn't dive into it to get some coins for riding the bus, the water is too dirty and...boiling... and acidy )
  • Hayden or Lamar Valley, all the buffalos and animals...
  • Grand Prismatic Spring ( very hard to see, unless it's a good day, most of the time it's covered by steam, still a good place to check out)
  • We haven't checked out the Mammoth hot springs due to the long wait for the Old faithful eruption, that being said, I hope you can spend at least more than a day in this wonderful heaven. 

Morning Glory pool, about 15' hike from old faithful geyser